Monday, April 23, 2012

Are You A Texting Addict??

I'm sure you all know one.. or maybe you ARE one? I'm talking about a text addict. Don't get me wrong, I love my cell phone and texting but after awhile, I get bored with texting. I can not sit for hours and hours texting. If I'm doing something important and my phone goes off, that text message can wait until I'm finished. When I'm driving, I don't text unless it's important.. but then I will call because it's easier to talk and drive than text and drive. It is not possible to have your eyes on your phone and the road ahead of you.. just because you have two eyes doesn't mean that they can both do two different things at once.

So what defines a texting addict? Someone who texts from the time they wake up until they go to bed at night. The ones who text while they are driving and swerve all over the road putting other people's lives in danger. A texting addict ignores everyone else around them because they are soo involved in their texting conversations. Or the annoying person at the store who isn't watching what they are doing or what their kids are doing because they are too busy texting.

"Anything that you can become obsessed with, and you do so much that you don't do the things you need to do with family, friends, school, job -- that can be an addiction. And texting absolutely can qualify," said Dr. Dale Archer, a clinical psychologist. 
And teenage girls lead the charge.

 My problem? I AM MARRIED TO A TEXTING ADDICT! A grown 34 year old man.. NOT a teenage girl! Since we have smartphones, not only is he texting, he is also chatting with people via Facebook chat on his phone.. alll.. the... time.... We try to watch something on TV together, he's not paying attention because he is texting. The kids are trying to ask him a question, he doesn't hear them because he is so involved in his text conversations. We are already having marital problems and one of the biggest problems is that I can't have a fucking conversation with my husband without being interrupted with text messages. He will IGNORE me to answer a text message. If I ask him a question, he will not answer ME until he answers his text messages. Texting is actually causing a huge problem in our marriage because he is so fucking obsessed. Texting seems to be his priority over his marriage and everything else. AND.. he texts while he drives.. all the fucking time. One day a few weeks ago, I was following him in a different car because his car had to go to the shop.. I could tell when he was texting because he would slow down and be swerving over the yelling line or would be driving practically in the grass. He texts and drives with me and our 3 children in the car. I've tried talking to him numerous times about it but of course he sees nothing wrong with it and I am just overreacting. I told him he is putting our kids' lives in danger, but he doesn't see it that way. He thinks he is a "pro" at texting and driving. There is no such fucking thing!! Some days, I just want to throw his fucking phone out the damned window. The other day, we were talking... and I asked him something but instead of answering me, he had to answer a text message. I said, "is that text message that fucking important?".. his response, "I'm in the middle of a conversation".. Me: No shit, I thought you were having a conversation with your WIFE!

Why do people become so obsessed with texting? When does texting take priority over other REAL live people in your life? Or when is texting more important than the safety of your own family? I seriously don't know what it's going to take to get him to realize that he has a problem. I am not going to be SECOND to fucking text messages. Fuck that. Oh, and he gives his number to just about everyone he meets so that they can text.  Why is texting soo important to people?

Do you know someone who is a texting addict? or are YOU one??


Karen Greenberg said...

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It would drive me crazy! Could you get your husband to make an agreement that you will not say anything about the texting as long as he stops doing it with the kids in the car? How about setting aside one hour a week (to start) where the phone gets turned off and the two of you have a conversation? I know, you've probably tried these things. If you really can't get his attention you may consider seeing a psychologist. I know sometimes those behaviors are indicators of something more going on. At the very least you could get tools that would help you know how to handle the frustration you feel. Have you tried texting your husband to have this conversation?

Shannon Milholland said...

I'm not sure I'm an addict but I do find texting extremely useful. It's a great way to keep in touch with my teens, remind them I'm thinking of them and praying for them and also send out quick notes to friends. Like everything though it should definitely be used in moderation. We don't allow cell phones at the family dinner table for example.

Deanna crazed said...

Karen, those are some good ideas, thanks! I may try some of them.

Silverfaerie said...

I text alot, but there are times when I get frustrated at the people who will ONLY text with me. After a few messages, I'll just call them because we could say everything that needs to be said in the amount of time it takes to write and send a couple of texts.

My boyfriend is ALWAYS on his phone when we do things like do out to dinner or on a date or whatever. I find that to be quite hurtful. I know that part of it is his ADD, but he takes meds for that, so should it really be necessary? I know that it makes me end up feeling much less important to him in his life and then things aren't so great (at least in my heart and mind) for a while after. It's a very lonely feeling and my heart truly goes out to you. I'm so sorry hun. Have you tried doing the same to know, give him a taste of his own? Or, you could document it for like a week or so, write down each time he does it, but don't say anything when it happens. Then, at the end of the week, show him.

Karen Greenberg said...

My husband has ADD among other things, and I hear exactly what you say about taking meds to control certain behaviors. It's so frustrating! It IS a very defeating feeling, too. ADD can be very selfish to the outsider. Have you gently pointed out to your boyfriend when he is doing that? My husband says all the time that he doesn't realize that he is being selfish until someone points it out. I hope that helps a little bit, at least to know you are not alone.

Deanna crazed said...

Brandina and Karen: My husband also has a mild form of ADD. He was supposed to be on meds when he was a child for it but his mom wouldn't put him on anything so he has never been treated for it. His texting makes me feel like chit chatting with friends is more important than I am. It really is a crappy feeling. I still feel that technology is ruining a lot of lives! Texting, social media websites...etc...

Karen Greenberg said...

I will agree that technology has definitely strained relationships. At the same time it has the potential to encourage some really great ones. Think about blogging... some of my greatest supports right now are people I have met through this type of technology. I think it's all a matter of how people use it. I do have to admit, though, I've lost a lot of personal relationships because we mostly connect through Facebook now. It's just not the same as having someone to cry with sitting right next to me.

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