Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Busy this week!

I wont be posting much this week (I know I havent been posting much here anyway, lol)...I just started a new job and have a quota that I have to meet by the end of the month..so Im spending every spare minute I can working on the quota so that I can get paid next month! Next week will be better with the new month starting! Lots more rants to come!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Friends or enemies?

I've come to the conclusion that the majority of the human race just sucks!! I've been reminiscing a lot lately about the past and all of the friends that I had over the years. A lot of them I was pretty close with. Some of them lived right here while others lived far away. We had a lot of good times together. I lost touch with a lot of people for awhile but then when I found myspace I ended up finding most of them (there are actually only a couple that Im still waiting to find on there). I would be sooo excited when I found an old friend and would send them msgs saying how happy I was that I found them and they would respond saying the same thing...then, nothing. I would leave them comments or messages and never hear a response back. They would send out 340124 bulletins every day or they will leave me comments on my page advertising their band or business but would they say hello? NOPE! These are all people that I knew in person, not just internet chat friends!

It's not just about myspace. I guess it's just a part of life losing friends. People get married, have kids, get busy with life and forget about the people who used to be part of their life. Why though? I have always cherished the friends that I have and always tried to keep in touch with them! I'm married and have 3 toddlers to take care of, plus I work...but I still make sure to take time for my friends, even if it is something as simple as an email or comment on myspace...just to let them know that I havent forgotten about them.

I have one ONE friend who has always been there for me. We have been friends for 18 years now! She has 3 kids, works and goes to school and she STILL squeezes in some time for me. That is a true best friend.

I've gotten to the point where I dont even want to make new friends because people always disappoint me in the end. It never fails. I'd rather sit at home with nothing to do than have friends who only want me around on a need-be basis. Screw that. That's not a friendship. Maybe I'm just too kind hearted and maybe I should take my friends for granted like they do me?

p.s. one of the kids in that pic above is me! heh heh

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Got Anger??

I've always been a hot tempered person. Even as a child if things didn't go my way then I would get soo angry and I would hit and throw things! Most people find that hard to believe because I'm normally so quiet and shy they can't imagine that I would have any sort of hot temperment!

My anger was starting to cause problems in my life. I'm not going to go into a lot of details but I knew that I had to change something because I was tired of losing my temper so quickly and saying or doing things that I didn't mean.

I started doing my own research on anger management and found a few tips that have really helped.

The biggest one for me is to step away from the situation. If I feel myself getting ready to blow then I just back away. I will go outside or go into another room to give myself some time to calm down. Then once I am calm I will confront the problem that made me so angry in the first place.

Another technique that helps me a lot is to learn to be able to tell how my body reacts when I'm starting to get angry. The tightness in my chest, breathing harder, my muscles clenching up. As soon as I begin to feel this happening inside of my body I will then talk myself down. I will tell myself little things such as, "Calm down" or, "control the anger" over and over again. You can also count to 10 or 100 however long you think you need to bring yourself down from that anger mountain!

I still have my little blow ups here and there but these techniques have taught me how to control them better. Sometimes all it takes is just for me to think to myself and talk myself down. I sometimes ask myself if the problem is REALLY worth getting so angry and upset about? Usually, the answer is no!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Today is our Anniversary!

Four years ago today I was walking down the aisle on the happiest day of my life. I should be very happy today, shouldn't I? Today is bittersweet for me. I have mentioned before about my husband and I separating last year. We separated about a week and a half before our Anniversary. It was already hard enough for me to deal with on our anniversary last year but my husband did one of the most heartless things he could ever do. On our wedding anniversary last year my husband told me that he didn't think he was in love with me anymore and didn't think things we going to work out. That was the worst day of my life. We were separated for 9 months and were through Hell and back during those 9 months. Lots of anger, lots of tears. My husband still says that he was going through a "mental breakdown" of sorts and that he now wants to spend the rest of his life making it up to me and proving to me how much he does love me. He says that even though he didn't show it, he was miserable without me and never wants to be without me again. I guess i will never truly understand what happened a year ago...but the memories are always haunting me. Even though we have been back together for 3 months now it is still going to take a long time for me to heal and to be able to put everything in the past. I feel like I have this wall up and that I've lost some of my feelings for him because of what he put me through and it's going to take me a long, long time to be able to bring that wall down. I told him that he destroyed our anniversary by what he did last year. He thinks i should just be able to forget about everything and concentrate on the future. That would be nice for my sanity, lol. Now I just have to figure out how to put the memories behind me and concentrate on the present.
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