Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Pouring My Heart Out Again

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I knew this would be my last pregnancy because 3 was my limit. I hoped, wished, and prayed that I would get at least one girl because I wanted a little girl of my own. My mother and I have always been so close and I wanted that same relationship with a daughter of my own. The day the ultrasound tech told me that one of the twins was a girl, I was so happy that I cried.

She is six years old now and I love her, but I really don't like her very much. Every day is a difficult day with her. She whines about everything, she doesn't do what she is told, she does things that she is told not to do, she talks back and gets an attitude with us when she is told to do something. She intentionally tries to make everyone mad; her brothers, her father, and me. She's annoying and I feel like the most horrible mother in the world for saying this, but I don't like to be around her. It's a constant struggle with her. I even talked to her ped. about it once,  he asked me a bazillion questions and he didn't think there was anything wrong with her, but just that she wants attention because she's the youngest, the smallest, and the only girl. I don't enjoy being around her.

I have tried everything with her. I have tried time outs, taking toys away, spanking, taking away privileges, sitting down and talking with her, but nothing works. She is still in that self centered world of hers where she thinks the entire world revolves around her, and she acts as if she just doesn't care about anyone else. It's all about HER. I do think a lot of it is for attention and I've tried to give her some one on one time. The last time my mom and I took her on a "girls shopping day", she complained the whole time, "this is boring".. "come onnnn", so she ruined it. When she IS good, which is rare, I try to give her extra hugs and kisses and tell her how proud I am of her to try and reinforce the good behavior. None of it works. I'm at the end of my rope.

This situation makes me so sad. I wanted a daughter that I could be close with, but I don't even like her most of the time. She's not fun to be around. When we try to do fun things, she just whines or acts up and makes it miserable. Her brothers are no angels, but she is just so much worse. I want to enjoy spending time with her. I want to be able to enjoy doing things with her, but she makes it miserable.

I'm worried about the future. I'm afraid she's going to grow up hating me, and that I'm going to resent her. I don't want to have that sort of fucked up relationship with her. I want it fixed but don't know what else to do. She cries when she gets punished for something, but then will just keep doing it over and over. I'm thinking about not giving her her xmas gifts, but leaving her a note from santa saying she has to be good to "earn" them because she hasn't been good. We've tried using the "santa is watching you" thing, but she doesn't care. I think I need super nanny to come and save me. Sometimes I just break down and cry.


Shell said...

I hope that you can find a way to enjoy the holiday season with her!

crazedmama said...

Thank you, Shell.. I'm going to try!!!!

Kim said...

I can't imagine what you're going through. Mine are both under three but my toddler sure is giving me a run for my money.

crazedmama said...

Thanks Kim... I kept thinking she would grow out of it, even as a baby/toddler she just cried and whined all the time, but there was nothing physically wrong with her. Now it's just her way or NO way!

Nomad said...

What a nightmare for you. My sister's son was pretty much of a monster and her whole method of child-rearing didn't help much either. Expediency was her main idea on anything. Give him whatever he wants, do what he asks, say whatever he wants to hear if it gets you through the next 5 minutes.
"Give it to me NOW!" he would shout at me. And I would say,"Is that polite? Can't you say it more politely than that?"
"Give it to me NOW, please." That was the best I ever got from the kid.
And he was mean too. I saw him push his sister down the stairs and one time, I saw- this 3 year old kid- trying to jab a coat hanger in his little sister's eye! He was doing all those attention getting things, like threatening to stick his finger in the fan. Funny, the first ten times, my heart would race and then, nothing. I figure he had nine more and he might lesson an important life lesson. :)

Now, predictably enough, the boy is a "brilliant" teenager who puts his mother through daily hell.

Don't feel bad about how you feel but I advise you to see about getting professional advice when you can. I personally don't see how a child of that age can possibly be "bored" by anything yet. Everything should be new to a little child, right?

crazedmama said...

Thanks Nomad for the comment. My daughter is extremely selfish. I learned in my Psychology class that this self centered world can last until 7 years old, so hopefully it will end soon. She doesn't seem to care about other's feelings, she is in her own little world, everything revolves around her, and if she doesn't get her way she will whine and cry like a 2 yr old! It could go either way: better or worse!

As far as the bored thing, I don't think that's too odd. My boys are the same way if they are not doing something that they think is "fun", like going to the grocery store or sitting in the car, they think it is boring.

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